No doubt you will have already been told the best way to stop being obsessed with someone is to get over it and move on - in short get a life.
However, you will also already know it is not a simple as that and unless someone has been there, either as the obsessed or the obsessor, they will never know the sheer intensity and frustration involved.
You have already made a positive step by admitting you have an obsession, the fact that it is a person rather than something inanimate, say like being a Trekkie for example, is almost irrelevant.
The problem remains the same and getting over it requires as much effort as being obsessed.
Being obsessed will affect relationships with other people in your orbit by taking up so much of your time and when you do find time for friends and family the quality will be diminished by your lack of attention.
Being obsessed is also tiring, mentally as much as physically, as sleep is hard to come by and every waking moment is taken up with the object of your desire.
To counter all this you need to take charge of your emotions and feelings. Try to step back and assess what it is you need to do and then put as much effort into breaking the cycle of obsession as you waste on the problem.
Give yourself a new goal as we are all motivated by individual needs, which, according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, and these are physical, security, belonging, esteem, learning, aesthetics, self-actualisation and transcendence.
You need to aim for transcendence which will take you from being motivated by being with or seeking approval from one individual to making yourself a happy individual with a more rounded approach to yours, and other people’s lives.
By focusing your mind and energy on an equally, or even better reward, you will slowly but surely put the previous obsession further and further behind you.
I was obsessed with certain people in my life. One is my ex, for four years, the other is a casual friend, who I admired deeply because she's soooo perfect in every way that I want to be like her.
I chose to stay away from these people who do not have the faintest idea about my obsession with them. I analyzed myself a lot as to why I acted this way. I think it comes from feeling inadequate about myself and my longing for perfection.
While they inspire me to improve myself as a person, too much obsession can get in the way of developing my self-esteem and living my life. I have learned to let go and be comfortable with who I am. By focusing on too much on them, I lost sight of my own priorities and missed out on what I really want out of life.
Whenever you feel a compulsive urge to see him/ be with him, tell yourself that this desire is actually the symptom of a disorder. It is some inner void that is making you repeat this action/wish again and again. Tell yourself that it is possible for you to completely stop repeating this symptom. Understand that you are complete and filled with love from within. You don't need a continuous stimulus from outside (whether a person or a situation) to nurture you. Whenever you feel that compulsive urge to obsess, try to feel inside your own self-see that fullness, feel that completeness and you will gradually stop wanting or begging.
I am obsessed with a single mom I know. The bad part is that I'm married. She knows this and plays to it as well. The sad part is, I think she is just going along with it just to not disappoint me and In my mind I think it's for real. Just reading this blog will help. I just need to realize and enjoy the life that I have around me. It's time to let go and start living the life that I have, not a fantasy one that I desire. The crazy part is that it just happened...out of the blue...this is not normal for me!
I have been in a similar situation and I feel obligated to answer this question to the full extent of my knowledge. Severing such a powerful bond will not come without consequence. To rid a virtually inescapable bond, simply cast it away. Don't speak to her or severely limit your chat with her. Over time your feelings for her will weaken and eventually become impotent. It differs with people and sometimes it doesn't work. If you find yourself in that kind of situation and you must persist your contact with her, then do whatever it takes to be with her. Only do so if she can parity your feelings towards her. Indefinite separation may prove effective in this predicament.
Try to find someone who compliments her "virtual" qualities and make that real person the one in your fascination fit into that obsession of yours. Sooner or later you will realize there's a real world and a real person who is not a figment of you imagination.
When you find you are thinking of him, think of something else quickly. If he has bought you something put it away or simply get rid of it. If you have emails, delete them. It is not healthy for you to continue to obsess over someone, pull your strength together and move on.
Hi, I think you should start seeing someone who is near to where you live. I feel you still can remain pen pals, but that is probably as far as it will go. You may be afraid of having a real relationship and that's why you hold onto this fantasy. I do not think this is meaningful and healthy relationship for anyone. There are a lot of women here that are looking for a good man, start seeking them out. You may find someone you really like, give it a chance. Take Care!
You really can't its when your feelings go away thats when you'll stop and if you really love that person your feelings wont go away just let your heart do the work and don't force your self to forget someone or stop caring about them ..but if your obsessed just don't show the feeling tward that person and make them care for you.
I just want to say that I agree with hny14. As I told someone else on here, PLEASE-if your going to meet in person some day, make sure an anonymous person goes with you too (just for safe measure) since it's good to be careful. Things will work out for you dear! GOOD LUCK!